By: Marcial Ribou
ONG-BAK: THE THAI WARRIOR
This movie will make you want to create a New Year’s resolution to take up Muay Thai classes. Tony Jaa plays Ting, a martial arts fighter with amazing skills that goes in search of a Buddha head. A sleazy businessman who wants to sell it for a huge profit robbed his village of one of its most sacred Buddha statuettes. Ting follows the trail of clues to Bangkok, where he is tricked into having to compete in a brutal street-fighter competition, where he blows his competition away with amazing moves. The story is simple and has more plot-holes than your typical Van Damme flick, but damn is it fun to watch. By the way, it’s al the more impressive because Jaa performs all his own stunts.
BAD NEWS BEARS
Billy Bob did a great job in last year’s remake of this old-time classic as a washed-up baseball player who coaches a team of rejects for little league. However, no one can trump the late Walter Matthau as the grizzled Morris Butermaker, an ex-minor league player who now cleans pools for a life. He decides to coach the worst team in the California little league for some beer money and convinces his daughter from an ex-girlfriend to be their ace pitcher. Then he manages to get some motorcycle punk to hop on the team, who just happens to be the best player in the entire league. It’s fun to watch Matthau curse at the kids and even more fun to watch the kids curse back and kick him while he’s drunk on the floor. Good stuff.
Yeah yeah, you hate subtitles because you paid to watch not read. Well pipe down there Slappy, this French flick (yeah that’s right, it’s French! You got a problem over there Mr. Freedom Fries??!!) is sure to make every woman who sees it jump up and yell, “Hell Yeah!” The story is simple; 2 college friends, Marie and Alexa, trek off to Alexa’s parents’ house in the country for some relaxation. A psychopath comes in and murders the entire family, kidnaps Alexa and leaves Marie for dead. Now it’s up to Marie to save her friend. What could have been as boring as, well, a French film, turns into a flat-out blood fest and all-out girl-power film. Just look at the poster where Marie is covered in blood and wielding a 2 X 4 with a nail in it! That’s bloodlust my friends. That’s what horror movies are all about.