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Nick’d OFF… On Immigration

By: Nicolas Jimenez

   nickdoff1   Nicolas Jimenez becomes “the ultimate grouch on steroids”in his new column “Nick’d OFF!” He previously created the column “Feeling The Future.” You can revisit those articles by visiting the’s archives.

 This country may be short on energy, but there is an abundant supply of stupid.

So I’m back home in Miami on Spring Break and I’m surfing the stations on my car’s radio. I’m missing the Miami music. I never thought I could go too long without hearing annoying reggaeton, repetitive 305-brand rap, obscene Spanish morning shows and that new country station that popped up recently. Apparently its 99.9 Kiss country’s long lost twin sister station and thought it should swing by for a roll in the hay (that kind of thing is socially acceptable with those folk).

Most everything is in commercial (some things will never change) and so I stop at News Radio 610. The Schnitt Show is on and Schnitt is taking calls from listeners so they can discuss ways to control immigration from the United States’ border with Mexico. Just about every call goes a little something like this:


“Hey there Schnitt! Yeah this is Tom and I’ve got a great idea for you about how we can solve this whole uh… uh… Mexican immigration thing. Yeah alright so first instead of a fence we put land mines all over about 50 feet away from the border.”

I’m not making this up. This was the gist of an actual caller’s two cents. It sounds crazy, but he wasn’t done. It makes more sense if you hear the rest of the plan:

“Well see then we put the IRS in charge of dealing with immigration. See whenever one of those illegals come to work, we’ll tax ’em seventy-five dollars for every hundred they make.”

Well now. Doesn’t that just restore your faith in the free world? I mean it makes sense. If we have an illegal immigrant’s name, home address, income information, and are able to identify him, we can make it really expensive for illegal immigrants to stay here. They won’t want to pay our taxes and they’ll leave.

I totally hear this plan. Great idea. Except here’s my suggestion: We know this hypothetical immigrant’s name, right? We know where he lives. We know what country he came from. We know what kind of money he makes and where he makes it. We’re also sure upon review of all that information that he’s illegal.

How about we take that home address and identification and FIND HIM AND DEPORT HIM!

Are people just completely and totally outside their minds? Is there something in the water that my filter is catching and theirs are not? How many fucking illegal immigrants do you think are filling out tax forms this year and are going to get upset if the taxes are raised? NONE! They don’t pay taxes and that’s what the fuck it means to be illegal.

Sadly, opinions like that are not uncommon (which is what makes them so disturbing). We can only pray that people will eventually begin to read up and stop talking so much crap.


0 0 225 10 May, 2006 Advice, Entertainment, Lifestyle May 10, 2006

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