Scrambled

Mar 13, 2009 by Sloane Solomon

Each month, Sloane’s funny frankness echoes the experiences of young people and their choices.

(To the tune of “Age of Aquarius”…the chorus, not the entire song)

This is the dawning of the age Sloane will graduate, the age Sloane will graduate, she’ll graduaaaaaaaaate!

The year 2009 will bring us more than just the Year of the Ox, Super Bowl XLIII, President Obama, Sasha Fierce’s very own dual personality Rebecca Blah, and most importantly, the year I become a college graduate.

You know what’s funny? Every time I think about walking across the stage at my graduation ceremony I hear “Hail to the Chief” playing in my head. For some reason, I will always think that’s the official graduation song march. Seriously though, can you believe that I am finally graduating?

OK well, I’m finally graduating after two more semesters of classes, but whatever, come December 2009, I will be thrust out into the world like a newborn baby. Except, hopefully, I won’t be naked, screaming, and covered in amniotic sac juice. Sorry, that was a bit graphic.

You know what the best part of graduating will be? Entering the work force at such a prosperous time in America’s economic history. I mean, with the surplus of jobs out there it’s going to be a breeze to get my dream job. I’m sure employers will be knocking down my door, just begging me to say yes to their 100k per year salary complete with 16 weeks of vacation time.

In actuality, I’m scared to death of graduating from college. I’ve spent five years at four schools taking my sweet ass time snaking my way through a lazy river of college credits. This semester I’m taking five English classes. Five. English. Classes. Do you have any idea what that’s like? On average I’m reading almost 1,000 pages a week. No, that wasn’t a typo. 1,000 pages per week. It’s only the fourth week of school and I’m ready to tear my eyeballs out. But I’m laying the classes on thick so I can hurry up and get my diploma already.

Even though the classes are stressful and the thought of graduating and entering the job market makes me want to cry (and has, many times) I’m ready to be done with school and start the next phase of my life: marry rich and become a top shelf Trophy Wife.

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by Sloane Solomon